November 2006: Writing/Not Writing (cont.)

For weeks stretching into months now I have been between major projects. I have had some short nonfiction pieces to do, part of my Wonders of America series. Those feel so easy as almost to be cheating. I read and read and read for about a week. Then I sit down to write about 200 words plus some interesting facts at the end, and I’m done. I almost feel guilty when I cash the check . . . almost. But in the brief process I never move into that place I long for, the one where work and pleasure are indistinguishable from one another. It’s simply work, good, solid work.

My days are busy, over busy. I’ve had galleys coming back and revisions to do, none of them deep enough to feel like real writing. I’ve had lectures to deliver, planes to climb onto, strange hotel rooms to sleep in. Letters from readers to answer and e-mails, endless e-mails. I’m grateful for the capacity to send and receive e-mails but sometimes feel consumed by the barrage of voices pulling at me each day. I’ve had students to teach and Advisory Committee work to do for Vermont College. And I do all this while in free fall, which is the mode I always go into when I’m not writing.